I have five things to say about health:
1. On Monday I went to see the nurse at my local surgery to talk about precautions against tropical diseases. She told me that for my trip to Indo China I need a hepatitis B booster injection, a course of anti-typhoid tablets to be taken prior to my departure, a course of anti-malaria tablets to be taken before, during and after my trip and a course of three anti-rabies injections also to be administered before leaving the country. Apparently the cost of paying for the latter is likely to hurt me more than the injections themselves. She also said that I should carry seven wooden stakes and wear a crucifix around my neck when travelling in or around Melksham.
2. My horrible evil cold, which first manifested itself in the form of a snotty nose and streaming eyes on 23rd November, seems to have finally been cast out of my body like devils as today, for the first time in ages, I didn’t cough up anything that was rancid or which resembled rhubarb jam in appearance.
3. My right shoulder hurts. It began to hurt when I fell off a mountain in Bosniain in September. It got slightly better when I went to see a chiropractor on 24th November but then started to deteriorate again about a fortnight later. I was supposed to return to the chiropractor last Saturday but my appointment was cancelled because she had a cold. I hated her for cancelling my appointment but also hated myself because I suspected that the poor girl had caught the cold off me.
4. There is no fourth thing.
5. One of my customers today was a young Polish gentleman. I asked him if he missed Poland. He said he did a bit but he and his wife and child had decided that they would not return there as they had come to love this beautiful town of Chippenham which had become their new home. Can there be any more concrete evidence that drinking vodka causes brain damage?