Did you know that [counter] people have been having a skeg at my little autonomous region?

  

Swindon

18/11/2012

The best way to get rid of Swindon, my friends and I today agreed, was by means of heavy artillery bombardment from the hills that overlook it from the south. We considered biological weapons but that would only wipe out the population so we would still be left with the problem of how to dispose of the buildings.

This discussion took place during a marvellous walk from Aldbourne across the Marlborough Downs to the Iron Age hill fort at Liddington Castle. It was at the hill fort that we sat and ate our lunch in the beautiful autumn sunshine and admired the magnificent vista that lay ahead of us for miles and miles and that was blighted only by the M4 motorway and the sprawling metropolis of Swindon.

As I masticated the contents of my lunch box I couldn’t help but wonder what those Iron Age folk had been thinking of all those centuries ago when they built their hill fort so close to Swindon. Surely they must have known that they would never be able to sell the place. That must have been the reason the site was in a state of abandonment and dereliction today.

I won’t try to explain why Swindon isn’t a very nice place because I don’t want to upset any of my devoted readers who might live there and because there are space limitations on this website’s server. So instead I’ll list the good things about it.

Here goes:

  • Swindon is the place where rock legend, Gilbert O’Sullivan was raised.
  • Swindon is an Anglo Saxon word meaning Pig Hill.
  • Swindon is the place where Diana Dors, considered to be the English equivalent of the Hollywood blonde bombshells, was born.
  • Swindon has no speed cameras.
  • Swindon is the place where camp comedian Julian Clary was raised.
  • Swindon Town (then in the old Third Division) beat Arsenal 3-1 in the 1969 Football League Cup Final at Wembley Stadium.
  • Swindon is the place where my Honda Civic was made.
  • Swindon is a much nicer place than Melksham.
  • Swindon is the place where Rick Davies, a founder member of the band Supertramp, was born.
  • Swindon has a roundabout called the Magic Roundabout which was constructed in 1972 and consists of five mini-roundabouts arranged around a sixth central, anti-clockwise roundabout.

 Swindon's 'Magic Roundabout' in the autumn sunshine.

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