Did you know that [counter] people have been having a skeg at my little autonomous region?




Curse the tilting of the Earth on its axis! Damn this wobbling world.

This day is always my least favourite day of the year. Today is the day that British Summer Time ends. Ha ha . . . big joke. When did British Summer Time ever get started?

What this really means is that for the next few months the rain will be a lot colder than it has been and that we will see very little in the way of daylight. English people get so excited because, when the clocks change, we get an extra hour in bed. Lazy bastards! What they don’t realise is that if they didn’t sit and watch crap on telly all night they could go to bed early any day of the week and have an extra hour in bed without us having to plunge ourselves into worse darkness than we really need and without us having to change train timetables and our multitude of household chronometers and remember that stupid rhyme ‘Spring forward, Autumn back’ which doesn’t rhyme anyway. Tinkering with my timepieces, I find, takes up more than an hour so it’s more of a case of ten fewer minutes in bed than sixty more.

My birthday always falls about a week after clock change day. For someone who loves sunshine and summer, having this dingy, misty, murkiness thrust upon me at my so called time of celebration is about as welcome as a slap on the arse with a halibut . . . and I can say that from experience. How can I celebrate when I can’t see anything for the darkness and the fog and bits of halibut?

I’ve often been tempted to do what the Queen does and have two birthdays each year to ensure that at least one of them falls on a sunny day. I reckon it’s a bit rich though that the richest woman in the world has two birthdays and no doubt gets two lots of presents. And she’s got a poor excuse for doing this as her real birthday is in April when the world is coming to life anyway. I would die to have been born in April. So if she doesn’t want that birthday I’ll gladly take it off her hands.

People who I have mentioned this birthday adjustment plan to in the past have said that I only want to move it forward so that I get an extra batch of presents or that I want to move it backwards so that I become six months younger. Neither of these is true. I would gladly go without birthday gifts for the rest of my life and be deemed to be ninety six years old with immediate effect if it meant that I could sit in the sunshine on the anniversary of my first setting foot on this planet. And I wouldn’t expect my advanced years to come with a free bus pass, a winter fuel allowance or new dentures either.

I must say, however, that my struggle with the winter is nowhere near as bad as it used to be. Being able to escape from my imprisonment on this septic isle as often as I do helps me keep my chins up. Last week I was in sunny Spain and next Saturday I’m going on a wee whiz round Belgium, the Netherlands and  Germany for a week, staying mostly in the beautiful old city of Maastricht where my third born child, Rose lives and where I am sure the weather will be hot and sunny at this time of year. I am told that I am very lucky to be able to do this but I think it’s more of a case of determination than luck. It keeps me happy whatever way you look at it though.

What I find even more frustrating than living in England is living in England without access to the World Wide Web. There’s summat funny going on with my computer which means that today I have no contact with the outside world. On a dreary and wet day when the clocks have changed to British Glummer Time I need to look at pictures of Africa to maintain a balanced mental state, to buy overseas guide books from the Amazon website, to boogie to the vibes of the Ashanti tribes people, to plan travels for the years 2013 and 2014, to buy an apartment in Spain, to send messages to my friends around the world, to check my lottery ticket to establish whether or not I’ve become wealthy enough overnight to buy a one way ticket to the Tropics, and to load this scribbled nonsense onto my own travel blog website so you can all see what a miserable get I am.

So, apart from all that lot, my life is filled with sunshine and I am very happy indeed.

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