So now that the votes are all in I can announce that the winner of the first annual Terry’s Terrific Travel Tales Christmas Card of the Year Competition is:
I’m not a great advocate of corgi dogs or Christmas but the two together, in this case, I find quite enchanting. It is one of those situations where the tackiness has gone way off the end of the tacky scale to the point that it has re-entered the cool world. This card stood out head and shoulders above the thousands of other tacky entries and the anonymous winner, I am pleased to say, can look forward to receiving a year’s supply of Poundland’s own brand Meltis Newberry Fruits confectionery.
I’m sorry if you weren’t aware that this competition was taking place. I deliberately didn’t tell anybody about it just in case it tempted them to send me a Christmas card. Unless they’re edible or hilariously sacrilegious I always find them a bit of a disappointment so I’d rather you gave to the poor the money that you might have spent on buying such a card and posting it to me. This also reduces your carbon footprint and the risk of the fat wealthy owners of greetings card manufacturing companies becoming fatter and wealthier, so there’s a health angle on it too.
However, to make up for any disappointment that you might have experienced from being excluded from the contest there is a further competition that you may wish to enter. All you have to do is tell me who you think sent in the winning card and to make it easier you can select your answer from the following:
A) Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth II.
B) The Corgi registered plumber who installed my new boiler.
C) The proprietor of my local Korean restaurant.
D) A couple of old dogs I met down the pub.
E) One of my lovely lady customers who would be horrified if she found out about this. I do love her dearly but despair at her choice of medium for conveying festive greetings.
To enter, all you have to do is send your answer A, B, C, D or E along with the words ‘Please resign’ to:
Mr D Cameron
10 Downing Street
Your entry should also include a 6” x 4” colour photograph of Radio Two DJ Chris Evans lying in a pool of blood.